so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
