I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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