His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize