My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
