and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize