so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
