She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
