Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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