What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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