I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
