I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
