we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
