You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
