Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've blown a few things in my day
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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