PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
