Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
