I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Randomize
