Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
