Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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