his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
