She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
