it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
