i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
