My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
