It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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