Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
