it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
