There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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