Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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