Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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