Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
