we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
