So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
