I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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