I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
love makes seman taste better
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
