the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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