I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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