Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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