if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
