You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
