atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
