she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Shame - the story of my life.
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