Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
