AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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