How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
