God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
