Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
