Porn is love you can see.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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