Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
