I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You pole danced in your parka.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
