I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can I color on your dick again?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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