Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize