yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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