he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
