I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
