Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
