i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize