Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it hurts more in the daytime
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
