I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize