U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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