Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
