Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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